Thursday, April 19, 2007

This In From Rumson Beach: Whale Of A Mess

No blubbering here
Got an email from my bud Dence McCloud from Rumson Beach, CA. Cool place, about 25 miles south of Santa Barbara. I spent a couple summers there during my young-adulthood and Dence was a college chum who, being moslty ho-daddy, decided to stay. He opened a 'dog stand (Dence's Dense Dogs), got married and settled down there.

Anyway, there was an emergency town meeting to decide what to do with the blue whale that beached itself and promptly died last week right in front of the shallow end of the beach. So they weren't overrun by newspeople and enviromentalists, the mayor had Hal Scrupio, town treasurer and owner of the Rumson Beach Gravel Company throw a couple tons of sand on top of it. Woulda been okay if local artist and sand sculptor Perry Funnel hadn't gotten "inspired" and sculpted it into the shape of a dead blue whale. That and the smell. Next thing you know they were hearing on the news about some kind of giant skunk stinking up PCH.

Ross Plunkett, who captains the live-bait boat Chum-Chum Cheree offered to haul it out to open water using his bilge pump as sort of a suction device, but before anyone could consider the merits of that move, the damn thing exploded. It happened at the Annual Chum Festival and Weenie Roast and, according to Dence, he was just finishing up cooking the last batch of Dense Dogs when there was a huge explosion and next thing it was raining whale parts. After convincing Ol' Ben Farragut it wasn't one of the Seven Plagues, Dence ran over to investigate. Seems that Frank Sawtelle and Gull Buckett got potted and decided to play Captain Ahab with a lit kelbasa on a skewer, which ignited the built-up methane inside the big guy.

No serious injuries,but three people were treated for blubber. Ross towed the rest of it out to sea the next morning, freeing Willy for good. Dence commemorated the incident by introducing the new Whale O' A Dog (It Expoldes With Flavor!). Consists of a kelbasa covered with hash, with a lit spear in the middle. Yummy.

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